HOW TO PROGRAM YOUR CHILDREN
It is seasonal - I nearly said "seasonal at this time of year", shoot me now - it is as seasonal as robins spitted on an open fire, for me to launch into a tirade against advertising toys to kids. Is Wrong. Children cannot actually buy toys, no matter how hard they try. It's like advertising flight to penguins. These commercials should not be shown at least until the kids are in bed, like those for alcohol and other drugs. Ads should be aimed at the adults.
Mind you, this is based on the assumption that the adults can make rational decisions. What the hell gave me that idea? I saw an ad for a vast toddler distraction module from Fisher-Price, obviously aimed at parent rather than sprog. Its slogan was "Oh the possibilities!" It didn't really mean "Think of the possibilities of the great big coloredy thing with loads of knobs to push!", it meant "Think of the possibilities for your little baby if you buy him all this crazy plastic shit maybe he'll grow up to be something clever like a surgeon or a lawyer or even an advertising executive!"
It's supposed to be 'stimulating', you see. Give the kids enough bright coloredy stuff that goes 'boing' and they'll grow up to be hyper-intelligent Übermenschen. Bollocks. For once I agree wholeheartedly with Steven Pinker, you can't stimulate kids into brilliance by throwing money at them. The difference between 'to play with' and 'to understand' may really just be a matter of degree, but what is there in a baby-crawler to understand? Nothing. There's no meaning, because there's no human interaction. Kids learn by interacting with others, not by twirling plastic things. The purpose of these so-called 'educational' toys is often quite the opposite, to keep them out of adult hair. Makes you wonder if this has anything to do with the apparent rise in autism.
So toy commercials should perhaps be kept away from the more impressionable parents too. Thankfully the technology now exists. You'll probably have heard of the TiVo, a hard disk video recorder to save your evening's viewing with all the adverts edited out. (In fact you can do the same thing with a PC and a TV card.) At last, commercial-free viewing will be a possibility. All channels will be like the BBC.
Unless the advertising industry have their way. They're trying it on. The ads, they say, pay for the programs. Therefore if you're editing out the commercials, you're watching the programs without paying for them.
Think about that. Not watching adverts, they're trying to argue, is theft. By the same logic, channel surfing or turning the sound down during the commercial breaks is also stealing from the broadcasters. Don't touch that dial! Under penalty.
So you won't be able to protect your kids from the toy adverts. In fact unless you want them to grow up as little criminals, you'll have to force them to watch. 'Pay attention' will have a whole new meaning. Don't look away dear, that's stealing from Barney.
Have you had your advertising today?