'TIS THE SEASON TO START ARGUMENTS
We just had this discussion on Brunchma, a messageboard where I hang out. I present it here largely unedited.
Strange Biller: I need a word to describe the Christmas-Hanukah-Kwanza-Ramadan season. [Kwanza is a sort of African-American Christmas alternative.] What is the best way to smoosh these together?
Esme: Ramadan is now, not in winter.
Strange Biller: I know - and it's getting further away from the whole "holiday season." I just want all the Muslim boys and girls to feel included while I mock people's traditions.
Xine: Hanikwanzimas is the holiday of choice 'round these parts.
I_Like_Cheese: Easter
McDuff: Winter Solstice.
SpcChick: Chawanzamadan.
Roup: Festivus, of course. I'm surprised nobody's said it yet.
Fanghopper: No, you can't, because it's "A Festivus for the rest of us!" and therefore by definition that doesn't encompass any of those other holidays. You people are useless! See, I've started the airing of grievances for you.
JohnnyCanuck: Decemberween?
MrBawn: Isn't Ramadan a time of fasting? I mean, you don't go around wishing people a happy Lent. I think it needs to be kept separate.
Sergei [That's me]: I agree with McDuff. The winter solstice is the real holiday, all the rest are just hangers-on. But I think we should count the "holiday season" as beginning with the end of Ramadan - which is a feast - and continuing on until the Chinese New Year. That way we get over three months out of it.
And that's just this time. Because the Muslim calendar is purely lunar, their "annual" feasts come eleven days sooner each time round. A rough calculation therefore tells me that by approximately 2030 the holiday season will last the whole f***ing year long.
I_Like_Cheese: At my local mall it already does.
Roup: Calling them "Winter Solstice" is Northern-hemispherist. You are being discriminatory towards half the planet!
Sergei: Yep. Feck 'em, upside-downies.
ThatDarnHippopotamus: How about Christmas? And then, when someone tries to add another holiday, you put your fingers in your ears and scream "Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!" until they back away.
Fox_Moxin: Plasmic.
Hemlock_Martini: Gougemas.
IXOHOXI: Ever since I've read it somewhere (although I can't remember where, for the life of me!), I've used the phrase "Hollowgivingsmas" for the time of year between October 1st and December 31st. Feel free to blatantly steal the idea.
Strange Biller: The Holiday Formerly Known As Christmas.
hatgirlstargazer: [She's an astronomer] You've got a point. They did move the date of Christmas to make it easier to convert those with major winter solstice celebrations. (It was significantly more successful than the attempt to replace Halloween with All Saints' Day - or the attempt to replace Halloween with All Souls' Day.) You could get rid of the hemisphere bias by just dropping the "winter" part, most people know little enough about what's really going on with solstices to not be bothered. You could then refer to "the solstice holidays" or something.
But actually, I think I vote for Festivus.
Dithat: "That bit around December"?
thedarkpenguin: I recommend "Feiertagzeit" ("holiday time" in German), which has the added bonus of sounding extremely sinister when muttered under one's breath. Because what are holidays about if not sinister mutterings?
Sergei: I think we need a name like that well-known Himalayan ecumenical blow-out, the one that celebrates both the Hindu god-king and the Buddhist teaching tradition. You know, the Rama-Lama-Dingdong.
It just needs to be adapted to our own midwinter tradition. In Stone Age Europe winter was a time of fear. When darkness gathered they would make sacrifice to their supreme deity, the fertility goddess, and as it deepened the sacrifices would become more desperate. If the goddess was not propitiated by one of the aging livestock they would move on to the younger, more valuable animals. Soon of course the year would turn anyway, and thinking their prayers had been answered they would fall to great orgiastic rejoicing. As the one domesticated species at that time was the sheep, this festive season went by the name of Ram, Lamb, Thank you Ma'am.
nebulous menace: Happy winter, everyone. And now we will have the celebratory Chasing of Sergei With A Shovel.